Define "chronic" masturbator.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
