If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
BRING THE BAGELS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
