New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
