I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize