And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
