The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
