First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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