I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
