some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
