just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize