oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize