i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
