in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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