When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
