i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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