Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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