Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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