I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
