We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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