the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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