you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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