Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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