so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
