So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
