There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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