After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
