Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
