Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
