I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
