I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will pee on everything he values.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
