I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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