Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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