The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
