Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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