We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize