I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she told me i tasted like america
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
