I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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