I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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