you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
