Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
