3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
