but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
