I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
