3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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