dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
