it glows. i had to have it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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