You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
