he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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