you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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