I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
