i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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