Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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