2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
