My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
