Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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