I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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