i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
