If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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