he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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