i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Panties = found
Randomize
