Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
