she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
