if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize