When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
