Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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