I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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