she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
