1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
