the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
