the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
