All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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