why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
