meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
