Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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