the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
