She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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