I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
