My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
