why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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