I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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