I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
