Redeem this text for a blowjob
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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