new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
