Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
