Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
