i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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