dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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