IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
