I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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