Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
