I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
