hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
