Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
