i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
